8 Powerful Ways to Stop Seeking Validation from Others

Introduction

This post provides 8 practical tips you can apply to stop seeking validation from others.

Seeking validation from others can deny us the joy of living life fully.

External validation meaning

To rely on other people’s actions and opinions to determine your value and self-worth.

You will find that you constantly want to seek praise or compliments.

This also involves measuring success through likes on social media or external achievements like a promotion.

This is the external validation meaning.

You have to be able to feel worthy from the inside. Listen to me, upside down, inside out.

Now, what this means is that it all starts from your thought patterns and then translates to feelings.

And then these feelings translate into actions or decisions.

This is how external validation manifests.

All you have to understand is that it all starts from your thought patterns and then translates to validation.

The good thing is that you can use this same thing to get rid of these patterns.

 You can now adopt more positive patterns using this method.

1. Practice self-autonomy to build your self-validation

This can be as simple as deciding what you want to watch or buy at the grocery store.

You don’t have to start big when aiming to make big changes.

It’s the small, continuous steps that will get you to your goal.

Doing this will allow you to feel safe with self-validation instead of getting it from others.

Now, you will not have to ask those around you what you want to do or if they think it’s right.

Unless it’s something that you need diverse perspectives so that you can make an informed choice.

Resisting the urge to seek validation and others’ opinions will be tough.

But at least when you build self-autonomy, you will learn how to trust yourself more.

2. Work on your confidence

The lack of confidence is the beginning of seeking validation.

Working on your confidence can start with getting rid of all negative relationships.

If a relationship or friendship makes you feel insufficient, it could be triggering validation-seeking behaviors.

So, surround yourself with positive people.

Second, you can start treating yourself with kindness.

It’s more about being gentle and compassionate.

Encouraging yourself. Instead of overly criticizing yourself. This will tear you down!

There is power in treating yourself kindly.

When talking to yourself, talk as if you are talking with your best friend that you’ve known forever and loved.

Such acts will slowly build your confidence.

Taking care of yourself shows you that you can validate yourself first. You don’t need to seek it from others.

3. Focus on how you feel in the moment.

When you get the feeling to seek validation, identify it; don’t just shove it away.

Shoving these feelings away will make it harder for you to stop seeking validation.

You need to confront them.

You might wonder how to validate yourself.

Do this by first acknowledging that you feel the need to seek validation.

Ask yourself why you feel that way and write that down.

You can work it from there.

How mindfulness helps in confronting how you feel

After this process, practice mindfulness.

You can either write something in a reflection journal or use self-care acts.

Self-care acts help you to self-validate. Which is exactly what you are aiming for.

This can be something as simple as positive affirmations.

Whatever you feel you need to be validated for, affirm it for yourself.

For example, let’s say you’re at work. You’ve done something amazing. But you are unsure of yourself.

You can say, ‘I am enough’ or ‘I am the best’ or even something that you feel fits you best.

With these pointers, you will be self-validating in no time.

4. Look for what you like or enjoy to do

There must be something that you love to do.

Something that you enjoy, and time seems to fly when you are doing it.

It can be riding bikes, skating, cooking, and so many others.

Finding this is like finding a rescue boat after your cruise ship sank.

Your life will be more fulfilling because you’ll have more passion.

There will be solace in this activity you like to do.

This is kind of the point because you will stop seeking validation because you’ll get this feeling from what you love.

The thrill you’ll now have will replace that black hole energy that wanted to be told how good or good you are by others.

You don’t need their permission to live. Do you, and you might as well do it well.

With this, you will have learned how to validate yourself.

5. Congratulate yourself

Reflect daily or weekly on what you think you did well.

Even though it might have been a tough day, be proud that you made it through.

Start small and this will become a habit.

Be it something like remembering to lock the door because you always forget.

Congratulate yourself.

If you are usually late to work by half an hour, if you make it 20 minutes in, congratulate yourself.

These baby steps will eventually get you to your dream reality.

When you feel your own praise or something you did well or improved, you will not seek it in others.

Eventually, you will stop seeking validation from others.

It might even happen without you knowing it!

6. Don’t compare yourself with others

This promotes self-doubt.

When you compare yourself with others, you will seek validation.

This is because you will want to know what others think of you.

Furthermore, it will not do you any good.

It will just diminish your confidence.

Others have their life paths because we are all different in our unique ways.

Comparing yourself with someone else’s successes doesn’t always end well.

Everyone is at a different step in their own path. It’s obvious that we’ll be different.

In learning how to validate yourself, you will need to understand this.

What comparison will do to you

Comparison will bring bitterness, and you’ll find that you’ll be unsatisfied with your life.

It will prevent you from seeing your accomplishments.

Maybe you just bought something that you’ve been wanting for a long time.

This is progress that deserves celebration.

When you compare yourself with others, you will doubt whether your accomplishment is all that.

Let’s say you just bought your dream car. But your friend or age mate just bought 1000 acres of land.

If you start comparing these two achievements, you’ll feel awful about finally getting your dream car.

You’ll feel insufficient and wonder what’s not going right in your life.

The journey behind everything

But what you don’t see is that that person has different experiences, is in a different environment, in a different tax bracket, and on their own path.

You might not know the sacrifices they made. Or even what they endured to get there.

PLEASE DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.

Everyone has their own unique experiences on this earth and timeline.

When you understand this, you will not need others to validate you.

You will know how to validate yourself.

Only you understand what it has taken to get where you are. Your experiences matter.

7. Accept yourself as you are

Self-acceptance will help you know that your opinion is what matters the most.

You are an awesome individual having a wonderful experience.

It does not matter what or how that experience looks like.

What you think is what matters.

Others’ opinions should only add to your experience and not solely be the map of your life.

It is always great to welcome different perspectives. But when you constantly feel like you need it, there is a problem.

You need to realize who you are, even through the denial.

Accepting yourself will help you become more confident.

The key to stop seeking validation from others

Knowing that you love and accept yourself no matter what will diminish any need for external validation.

In the external validation meaning, we saw that there is continuous validation-seeking behavior.

In accepting yourself, you will start to learn and grow.

This process will involve you enjoying life from the inside out (from within you, and then it radiates outside of you).

You will appreciate who you are. This will happen through building self-confidence and prioritizing self-care.

I dare you to take this step even if you are afraid.

Do it because you are doing it for yourself.

Eventually, your life will be full of rich experiences and positive people.

Not only will you be happy but the experiences and interactions with others will also improve.

8. Get professional help

Enroll in therapy/counseling.

If it has gotten to a point where you are unable to function without being validated by others, please see a professional.

It doesn’t have to be this reason alone.

It can be as simple as needing someone to hold your hand in the change process.

Getting professional help also has numerous benefits.

By the end of your sessions, you will be a better person, ready to experience life in a better way.

Conclusion

That’s all for now.

You are now well-equipped to cut the validation-seeking behaviors and be more autonomous!

I know you got this!

If you need any more guidance, please leave a comment below and I’ll be happy to share my two cents.

Disclaimer: sometimes, asking for an outside opinion is great – at work, school, or life in general – because it helps lead us to better decisions.

So, my advice is meant to help you have self-autonomy and confidence, not isolate yourself or shoot down constructive feedback.

What you need to know is that there are times you need a different perspective, but it doesn’t have to be in everything you do, especially if you’re the one seeking it.

Be an individual and embrace your uniqueness, but don’t let others trample on you by constantly seeking their approval.

Love, Brenda. Ciao!