How to Validate Yourself (With Ingenious Checklist)

This post gives you a detailed guide with tips on how to validate yourself.

Let’s face it, caring too much about what others think sucks!

Learning self-validation can free you from this trap, and it helps you build your self-worth even more.

If you are tired of seeking external validation and are looking to grow in the direction of self-validation, then this post is for you.

Here is how you can start your journey on how to give yourself validation.

1. Accept yourself first, then work things from there

Someone with low self-esteem cares too much about what others will think.

They can be in a situation and they want to get something for themselves.

But their first thought is, “What will people think?”

It can be devastating because imagine that thought pattern in every waking moment of your life.

Ugh!

The truth is that it seeps into every area of your life.

So, you will be living other people’s version of your life.

Self-validation matters because it gives you the freedom to be YOU.

You can do what you genuinely enjoy or want.

But to get to the point where you self-validate, you have to be true to yourself.

Apart from this, your focus should be on acceptance.

Getting to assess yourself and embrace all the flaws and validation-seeking behaviors that might be a thorn in your bush is crucial.

Why this matters is that you will be able to work on the ‘flaws.’

You must know something so you can work on it, and being in denial wouldn’t help things.

2. Become aware

Awareness will help you catch yourself in the act.

Becoming aware is one of the very first steps in learning about validating yourself.

It is because it helps disassociate you from negative validation-seeking tendencies.

See it like this;

You are doing something you should not be doing at school, and then you see a teacher coming in your direction.

Obviously, you will immediately stop what you are doing because no one likes getting in trouble.

If you try doing the same thing over and over again, but a teacher keeps appearing, by default, you will stop trying.

It will get boring because you do not get the satisfaction of doing the forbidden act.

Similarly, awareness is the ‘teacher’ who keeps appearing when you seek validation.

After this, you can become aware of what makes you feel great.

If you are good at pencil drawings, for instance, do more of that.

You will find that you appreciate yourself more.

Honestly, you will get all those feel-good emotions.

This will help you boost confidence in the things you do by yourself.

In essence, you will master how to validate yourself in no time.

The secret is to become aware of what you love and do it without second-guessing or seeking someone else’s opinion.

If you are shy, you can start privately.

And then work toward doing what you love openly.

As you can see, awareness helps you get out of such cycles.

3. Be kinder with your words when talking about yourself

Kindness matters.

Not just to others but also to yourself.

Words are literal spells we cast, and they become our reality.

Furthermore, what you will be saying will most likely be a result of your thought patterns.

So, please be kind to yourself as you work on learning how to validate yourself.

For example, if you are dealing with a procrastination problem, how you choose your words determines if you will remain stuck or grow.

Don’t say, ‘I am a procrastinator.’

This is so mean when you look at it from a different perspective.

It signals your brain to affirm that reality, and you will find it harder to deal with procrastination.

Instead, you can accept that you procrastinate, but don’t let it end there.

The refined words would be, ‘I have identified that I have a procrastination problem, but I am working on solving it bit by bit.’

This version has a growth aspect to it.

It does not stop at the problem but consciously affirms that solutions are being figured out.

Off topic, but if you would like a topic on how to deal with procrastination, I will be more than happy to hold your hand through this based on my personal experience.

When you are kind to yourself after recognizing the validation-seeking behaviors, it will be easier for you to learn and grow.

Words can literally break you until you fall apart.

With this POV, being kinder to yourself when learning how to validate yourself can help build you.

4. Work on self-esteem

Low self-esteem issues are almost always the cause of validation-seeking tendencies.

This is because one does not trust their judgment enough that they have to ask for people’s validation.

Since we are being realistic, high self-esteem would definitely help you in this journey.

I will use a garden and gardener example to drive the point home.

Imagine a garden has weeds and the gardener just keeps cutting the leaves, but does not uproot them.

Of course, the weed problem will not go away.

This is because they are not addressing the issue head-on.

They would need to uproot the weeds so that they do not regrow.

This is important because it will reduce the chances of them spreading as they will not spread their seeds and multiply.

In the same way, imagine low self-esteem issues as the weeds in your confidence garden.

You cannot learn how to give yourself validation without understanding the causes first.

If you do not uproot them, they will keep spreading till your confidence lacks space to grow.

This will then keep you in the loop of seeking validation.

So, working on your self-esteem will help boost self-validation.

Self-esteem can be raised in different ways; it just depends on individual experiences and personal preferences.

5. Look at yourself from an outsider’s perspective

We have all been in a situation where we judge others’ actions.

I know, it is bad!

But say you apply this perspective in your growth process.

I mean, you will be assessing yourself like you would another person.

If you were to look at your actions, decisions, and behaviors like a movie, what would you do differently?

This is great in pointing out exactly what needs to change.

You will get to see how your need for constant approval affects your life and outcomes.

In a movie, we usually see a character making a poor choice, and the consequences come later.

In the same way, seeing what you do to get the approval-seeking outcomes will help you change it.

For instance, if you notice you always need to be told you look good to feel confident, focus on changing that.

You can start small by taking cute pictures and admiring yourself.

Or schedule half an hour a day to look at yourself in the mirror and affirm beautiful things.

I know you know what makes you happy.

If you love wearing boots but don’t have the confidence to do so unless someone compliments you, compliment yourself first.

One little secret that will help you is – everyone cares about themselves too much, so do you anyway.

They might talk about it a little bit, but they’ll get on with their lives.

We only have this life before now.

So, why live looking for approval from others?

To truly learn how to validate yourself, the outsider perspective matters a lot.

As mentioned, it will point you in the direction of what needs to be done differently.

This way, you will be well on your journey to validating yourself in no time.

Conclusion

So, a little recap on what we have covered.

These are the tips that will help you be a star in learning how to validate yourself.

• Acceptance first, then find your way from there.
• Become aware.
• Be kinder to yourself, speak life into your life.
• Focus on building self-esteem.
• Use the outsider perspective on yourself.

With these tips, you are definitely going to be the most self-validating person with the happiest life ever.

Until next time, bye-bye.